The Pursuit of Perfection

(Im not perfect, & I like it)

This week I have been contemplating perfection, and what that looks like in our lives. In my life, it shows itself in my anxiety & stress.

For four years of high school I worried about boys, my performance on my Track & Field team, what colleges I would apply to & get accepted to, friends, and my future marriage. I was so worried I wouldn't get these things right.

For four years of college I worrid about boys (until I found mine), roommates, schoolwork & graduating, picking a career, being a Young Life leader & if I was doing a good job or not, friends & relationships, and time management. I wanted these areas of my life to reflect perfect decisions & actions.

Post-college, pre-marriage I worried about my wedding being perfect. I wanted everyone to have a great time, the photos to be perfect, my dress to be perfect, and for my husband to enjoy everything.

Now as I feel my life morphing into more of a well-oiled machine rather than a ping pong ball bouncing around, I still contemplate the pressure to be perfect. I am not, so lets just start off by saying that.

We are so highly affected by social media, relationships, work relationships, our significant other, family and even strangers, it is hard to sort through the messages that people are sending us. Everyone is telling us something by their actions or lack thereof, & it often translates into: You're not perfect, you're not good enough.

My issue is taking all of those influences, and giving them the same amount of voice into my life, & it shouldn't be that way. The people that should have the most important voice into my life should be God, my husband, my family, my friends. In that order. Work comes next, but only between 8 and 5 pm Monday through Friday. I should not be stressing about what someone said about my spreadsheet at 6:30 on a Tuesday as Im cooking dinner.

If a stranger is beautiful, I read the message: You're not pretty enough. If a co-worker stays til 5:30 & I stay til 5, I read the message: You don't work hard enough. If I lose touch with a friend, I read the mesage: You weren't important enough.

Why does my mind read things this way? The healthiest epiphony I've ever had is realizing these negative messages & how they affect me. I do not need to be perfect. I don't even consciously try to be perfect, somehow something twisted in my subconscious mind that gave me the need to accomplish, to create, to work, to do until I cannot anymore, and it is still not good enough.

This is my goal: to just be. To do everything I currently do but to not create images of everyone else's opinions about me. I am realizing if a friend is a true friend, they wont give up on you, ever. If my imperfections can't be accepted, then it is not a person I need. Someone who gossip's about you is not a good friend either.

I will create my businesses. I will be a great wife. I will be a great friend. I will accept the things I cannot change. I will never give up. I will never ever let the pursuit of perfection negatively affect me again.

I am good enough.